Senator Menendez helps out with my FOIA request--NOT.

This is a phone call I recorded--and transcribed here--with a staffer from Senator Menendez' office who was responding to my request for "help with a Federal matter;" namely, an FOIA request that was met with exorbitant and unnecessary fees. I put it out so my fellow citizens know what their representatives mean when they offer to help you "with Federal matters." [note: as citizens, it is our right to tape conversations with government officials without their knowledge. Just like a corporation can document it's employees' actions surreptitiously, government officials are OUR employees and we can document them without their knowledge.] [my remarks are in red]

Staff:	You requested information from. . .under the Freedom of Information Act from the Dept. of Commerce?
Me:	Yes
Staff:	OK, so, unfortunately, I read over all the materials and , uh, unfortunately, because they address. . .unless you can somehow . . .um, prove that this (what you're asking) is in the public interest there's no way to get your fee reduced [Here all he can muster is to try to parrot the Dept/Commerce. Does he think I'm an immigrant in need of translation services?]
Me:	Plans to eliminate government corruption and discrimination is automatically in the public interest. I would think Senator Menendez would know that. [this was my best shot. I let the staffer get away with a lot because I entered this conversation with a crazy idea that Menendez was about to do something--anything--on my behalf]
Staff:	Oh, no, what you're saying makes sense, definitely. However, we don't have any authority to override the Dept of Commerce [who, in his right mind, would ask for an override? perhaps if I had made a more memorable donation to his campaign?] So, you're welcome to appeal the decision and indicate to them that you believe that. . .ah. . .what you are doing is in the public interest and explain why and you can. . .you can. . .be put through and they may accept your appeal and reduce your fee but unfortunately the Senator doesn't [have] any authority to override [the attempt to negotiate the fee that's lowered] [this fellow really read the material alright--my request concerned a lost appeal not an unfavorable decision]
Me:	What about the fact that I asked for [electro]magnetic media which is far less expensive than paper?
Staff:	You can include that in your appeal [I did and if he had read the material...] Basically, what we have the authority to do is tell you that we . . .don't have any authority. I don't think it would be a bad idea--if you still would like this information. . .I don't think there is any reason not to, um, not to appeal and to say that you believe it to be in the public interest to get your fee reduced and that you want the information online and not on paper which could also--potentially--get your fee reduced [this kid's been around. You and I would bet money on paper data being more expensive, but this kid knows that there's a real possibility that the Commerce Dept would be working on (or say they needed to use) an Apple II Floppy drive just to up the fees. For you youngsters out there, that drive held less than 128 Kilobytes.]
Me:	Well, in essence, you haven't done anything [for me].
Staff:	There's. . .there's nothing to be done, unfortunately.
Me:	I don't understand bureaucracies. . .you know. . .the head of government--someone in Senator Menendez' position--has no ability nor power to talk to a bureaucrat and say, "this fellow asked for [electro]magnetic media. Why didn't you address that issue? Why are you forcing paper down his throat? Now, that’s something very simple and that's something that--[here, I gave up and pursued a different tactic] there's no oversight for the Dept/Commerce because they handle discrimination. [the original FOIA request was made to prove discrimination on the part of the Commerce Dept.] So where's the oversight? It has to come from Congress.
Staff:	Well, the oversight would come from the Judiciary. So, if you feel you were discriminated against, you could file a lawsuit.
Me:	I did, they deep 6'd it.[and if he had read the material…]
Staff:	OK, so unfortunately the Senator is a busy man and we don't have any. . . Again. . .[does that mean you are also too busy? Doing what? Trying to fulfill the Senator's promise heard on voicemail that if there is a Federal issue that the Senator could help with . . .]
Me:	You know, I can write the letter. You can paste it onto his letterhead [silly me] and say [to the senator that] all this is doing is asking them [Commerce] to address his [my] need for [electro]magnetic media--that's all: "Please address my constituent's need for [electro]magnetic media." How hard can that be? I'll write the letter. [Now, I knew that there is no way to shame a bureaucrat but what can I say?]
Staff:	I, I, can't. I have no authority to put this under his name nor does anyone except the Senator himself [I suppose he'll next tell me that all the Senator's words are his own?] And. . .this can be raised with him [oops, he seems to sense that carrots don't do it for me and quickly pulls away the carrot from under this sap's nose] and you're welcome to continue filing your appeal--or what have you [that's right, probably what I have is a fantasy]--but there's no legal way that I. . .there's not really any chance of us putting something A) within somebody else and B) [inaudible] a topic that the Senator may not be comfortable talking about on his letterhead. [the bureaucrat doesn't know sarcasm]
Me:	[I reach my breaking point with Senator Menendez' feeble attempts at helping his constituents] All right, Mr. [ ], thank you for your time.
Staff:	Thank you. Good luck with everything.
Me:	Alrightie.
Staff:	Have a great day.
Me:	You too. [I had wanted to end by asking if the Senator had come back from the Dominican Republic with any interesting stories but I have met the enemy and it is my big mouth. :)]